breaking up

i know i haven't posted these past few days,,, i'm just not in the mood to type and chit chat but i know i need to get this out of my chest.. haha! but honestly i just don't know what to do... the main reason is that me and my bf broke up a few weeks ago.. we've been dating for 4 years and in just a click were done... well i'm the one who broke up with him, theres no 3rd party but you know the woman's instinct that you know theres something's going on... i know i'm blabbering personal things about me, but, theres no one to talk to and i think i will go crazy! arrggghhh! ,

do you have the feeling that youre not enough for him?.. for the instance that were online on fb, and he said that hes doing something thats why he cant chat and then i open his fb to play games and i saw that hes chatting with this girl, it actually pops out and i saw their conversation.. it might sound like im being jealous but my point is that he said he is busy and yet hes chatting with someone else.. and when i saw the conversation,, hes askin for the girls number.. OMG!! i just cant believe it!

at that moment,, i texted him and told him were done.. he kept on begging and saying that it was only a joke,, i wanted to believe him.. but i dont want to hurt myself again,, and also before that there's some instances that for a day he wont text me,, im not demanding him to text me every minute of his life,, i just want to know where he is and if he's at home already... i just care about him.. we always argue about that,, he's always sorry but he always do it over and over again...

were texting each other now,, calling each other endearment word.. but i did not officialy get back to him,,, i said to him im still mad on what he did,, its just not fair... he said that no matter how many girls he chatted to ,, in the end it will always be me,, i dont want it that way,,

i just dont know if i will still give him another chance,, i just dont know... its driving me crazy but i should move on,, i live my life for four years dreaming to be with him,,, that once we are stable we can be together,, but it seems that im wrong,,,

maybe i need some more time to decide... i don't want to regret anything...

i dont want him out of my life but i dont want to continue hurting myself...

i need a love guru !!!